(Note to readers: I realize I have expounded upon this topic before. But email ads are so annoying that it is impossible to complain adequately in a mere 800 words. Hence the redundancy.)
Everything you need to know about my neighbors can be summed up in their daughter’s name for them: The Lawn Rangers. These people love taking care of their lawn. With two giant mowers so that each can share in the process, they mow, rake, sweep, feed, spray, and generally make the rest of us look bad. They cut on the diagonal. They hunt down every stray blade of grass that stubbornly escapes the whirring wide decks of their mowers. They trim. They mulch. Their lawn, of course, is gorgeous. It is at the receiving end of a lavish amount of attention and it shows. All this is just sour grapes because my lawn will never be featured in “Lawn Beautiful” or even “Lawn Adequate.” If there ever is a publication called “How Your Lawn Shouldn’t Look” mine will be their first cover story complete with “before” photos.
If you ever decide to do some home remodeling — and I am not for one single solitary sane second recommending that you do — here is a little piece of advice that I have arrived at the hard way. Do not, I repeat, do not, under any circumstances, even if it means moving in with your in-laws or tenting it in your back yard or exploring the comforts of life on the streets, attempt to live in the actual home that is the site of the home remodeling.